New Year's Eve 2010

I have not been in the mood for festivities this past month. Christmas Day might as well have been May 3rd for all I cared. I had bought a dress for NYE-- a short, tight black little number with just enough class to spare me from utter Skankdom. It had been staring at me from its perch on my door for the past week, losing desirability with each passing day. Gone was my energy to get dolled up and shitfaced. I then came up with the half-assed plan to go night hiking instead.

While a great idea, my impetuousness and last minuteness almost always guarantee solo pursuits, because people always seem to need proper notice of such undertakings. I thought I had secured some partners in crime, but one couple bailed and the remaining two can't keep their hands off of each other. That and they have an insatiable addiction to chain-smoking cigarettes, which ABSOLUTELY RUINS nature (and, well, EVERYTHING) for me. I weighed the pros and cons of pretending to tolerate their PDA and carcinogens; company v. aloneness, playing nice with others v. freedom, safety in numbers v. rape and dismemberment, etc . Given my not-so-great day and consequent surly evening attitude, I decided perhaps keeping myself away from others the best bet.

I took a 2 hour nap and managed to drag myself out of bed by 11:15pm, annoyed, but determined not to let my indolence cause me to sleep through the final minutes of 2009. I pushed $62 and my ID into one pocket, loaded a head lamp, my phone, ipod, camera, a small umbrella, and a small paring knife, just in case, into my jacket pockets and set out toward Lands End.

On foot, it took me less than 30 minutes to reach a good vantage point on the Coastal Trail to ring in the new year. The Golden Gate Bridge glowed against the sultry fog of the clear night sky. The moon shone brilliantly, soothingly, illuminating the surprisingly warm night. For the first NYE in years, I saw the fire works erupting from Aquatic Park. Happy 2010 world.

Having abandoned attempts to take pictures in the dark, I continued along the trail, hyper alert and suspicious of distant shadows, but after a while, chilled out. I re-pocketed the headlamp, as my eyes had adjusted to the ample moonlight and the light from the headlamp was reminding me of the Blair Witch Project. (I'd also become convinced I'd see a spider drop down before my eyes causing me to scream and lurch myself off a cliff.)

The walk was very serene and rejuvenating, the seratonin flooding my brain allowing me to welcome 2010 with optimism. At one point I stopped and convened with the moon, convinced it was directing me to sit in the stone bench it was irradiating and state aloud my resolutions. I wondered on accompanied by the sound of the serf and the sight of white waves riding the edges of distant rocks in the sea, drinking in the coastal skyline. Company would've been nice, but I have learned that I can fully appreciate solo activities. (Pretty sure that remark is going to ruefully catapult me into spinsterhood one day...)

Once back on surface streets, I put on my ipod and let Kid Cudi, Kanye, Weezer, Miles Davis and Coldplay take me home.

New Year, New Page

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010. This isn't a new chapter in my life, so much as it is a chance to turn the page and focus with renewed zeal.

My main goal this year is to lose 15 lbs. The weigh in: 148. I figure setting a 2 lb/month goal is a good starting point. In addition, cooking more, adding in the dreaded weight training, mixing up the fitness routine more, drinking more than 1.5 liters of water per day and sucking it up and buying those pre-cut/sliced fruits and veggies so I stop gravitating to the 10 for $10 Haagen-Dazs ice cream and 2 for $5 cookie sales... This is going to be a sad year for my inner fat kid.

I am going to start writing more, because I need a constructive way to digest the last decade and the next few years which promise to have high highs and very low lows. I have started a blog to to help accomplish this.

I am also really going to work on not giving people such a hard time. Ironically, I mainly only do this to people I like, and for the most part they understand this, but I need to let up more so that they know I really do appreciate them. It's not going to be easy. Perhaps I'll compromise by only making subtle remarks--a sting instead of a bite. This will help me seem less combative and force me to do a better job filtering what I say, practices that are vital to good lawyering anyway. Besides, I am not in college anymore--wit is more admirable and age appropriate.

I don't really have any other super interesting or pressing goals, but life isn't always about thrill--consistency is a necessity, so I will concentrate staying in the present and practice honing my brown belt skillz in the art of patience through moderation.

Attend every class of three first semester law courses

This was one of those minor, tedious but necessary goals. 1Ls have five courses each semester, so staying on top of things is crucial to surviving the first year of law school. I'm sure my grades will be disappointments, but upside, now I know exactly what I need to do for the remaining semesters. Between the other two courses I only missed 3 classes. My attendance rate hasn't been this high since my parents were in charge of taking me to school! I'll take it as a sign I'm starting to get all growed up :)

Californication

Living less than two miles from Ocean beach means that I have been going on night rides and runs there. There are few things more calming to me than being outside at night, under the moonlight. And, as the nights are now crisp, I don't have to worry about sweating up a storm from the lack of shape I'm in! Today, however, after having liberally indulged in libations all weekend long, I was seriously devoid of energy and in desperate need of motivation. I dragged my ass on a meandering bike ride along the beach, passing the throngs of tourists, weaving through the walkers and tots teetering on their bikes, dodging the new families proudly, exhaustedly pushing along their newborns, slowing to admire the wetsuited surfer boys, periodically stopping to inhale the beauty of the California coastline on a sunny, near-winter day.

When I am awestruck by nature, a feeling of complete tranquility washes over me, slowing my heartbeat, deepening my breath. I have to force myself to stay in the moment because my mind instantly wonders what the hell I am doing in my life that is more important than being able to appreciate sights like this every single day. I had to snap myself out of that today, but it made me realize that I probably won't go into corporate law like my dad. And it made me appreciate living in California, having so many climates at your command in no more than day's drive. Travelling far and wide is amazing, but so is wondering about right in your own backyard, California dreaming.

Make a 3D collage

I'm not gonna' lie--this kid is a HUGE fan of arts and crafts. But, part of growing up means less time for such fun activities. This goal allowed me to indulge in a more socially age appropriate version of that. I made a 3D collage installation for my wall, as I have no t.v. to stare at. My mum found the idea in a DIY magazine.

The background is made of metal gutter stoppers affixed to the wall with cup hooks. I was like a kid in a candy store wondering the aisles of the hardware store gathering supplies, distracted by all the cool gadgets, wing nut brethren and tools, going so far as to briefly fantasize about how awesome life as a contractor would be, vowing that my future husband must like building things with his hands--undeniably sexy.

The project was quite simple and hanging the gutter stoppers only took about 20 minutes. (It also compromised my complete security deposit, as there are now a series of holes in my wall, but we'll worry about that a year from now...) The more artistic part came in deciding how to arrange the postcards, paper scraps, stamps and magnets on the backdrop in an aesthetically pleasing manner. The piece is "organic" (whatever that means...) and "living," as I am free to add or detract from it at whim. I now want to make a contrasting wooden version on the opposite wall. (Saws and power tools may be involved!) I am even inspired to try my hand at a sculpture of sorts, medium t.b.d. Definitely glad I did this :)

(This picture fails to do adequate justice, but it is merely a simple piece.)

Call to Action

I have been in a super blah funk lately. I am not even excited about figuring out what to wear for Halloween. I have no friends at school and see other friends once a week, maybe. I have not been exercising nor eating any raw foods. I've been spending too much time at home, not my apartment. And, I have not started outlining yet. One or two of these problems would be fine, but swallowing the whole lot of it all at once is no good. Hence, this call to action. If I can at least go through the motions of getting of grip, perhaps I'll be able so swim to shore before a full-fledge rescue is in order.

I've printed a list of reasonable goals to accomplish in the next 2.5 months. First and foremost are exercise and outlining. If I can kick my ass into gear about exercising, feeling better, eating better and having more positive energy will naturally follow. I bought a desk calendar and input all of my upcoming deadlines and have planned out a schedule that will allow me to have my outlines significantly finished before reading period.

As for the social aspect, I am going to go to the school party this Friday. It'll be the first time all semester I've done so. I need to start getting to know people because I need to find a study group. As the event will be at a bar Friday and I only seem to make friends when drinking is involved (me sober is apparently too much to bear sober!), hopefully that'll get the ball rolling. I also need to do a better job of hanging out with my other friends. I will plan a game night soon. Not being at home some often would free up a lot of my time, so I'll have to be more firm about that. Always easier said than done though.

This all looks good on paper! Hopefully I'll be strong in my resolutions. I even feel a little better already :)

Run a marathon

Sometimes, when I get certain ideas into my head, for better or for worse, they materialize. Even though I only started outdoor distance running in April, I decided that I was going to run a marathon while I was 25. I started with the 12k Bay to Breakers in May, graduated to the San Francisco Half-Marathon in July, and decided to sign up for the Bizz Johnson Trail Marathon in October. In theory, this is ample time for someone who is reasonably athletic and diligent about training to do just fine. And I was, more or less, until after the half-marathon, when my lackadaisical training approach paid off surprisingly well with an easy, unwinded 2:15. I felt pretty good. I signed up for a full marathon and a trail one at that, which is harder. Then, in the inconsistency that consistently defines me, I stopped running.
Initially, I had hoped to finish in around 4:30. Didn't even sorta happen: 5:28. While disappointed, I readily recognize it could've been MUCH worse, considering I have only run nine times since July, the longest distance being the SF-half. Whoops!
The marathon was in Lassen National Park in Susanville, about 5.5 hours north of San Francisco. While a forgettable and vaguely sad little town that surely had its last heyday when Indians still roamed the frontier, the scenery for the run was gorgeous. Alanis Morrisette also ran the marathon! (Though she is pushing 40, she passed me before mile 1, but details, details.) The first 6 miles were a gradual uphill and the majority of the remaining 20 were a steady downhill.
As I have never run on a trail before, and had not trained AT ALL, I decided to run-walk. (Though by the end, it was mostly walk...) I was one of the youngest people running, the majority of the marathoners being at least in their 40s, but this did not stop most of them from passing me. My strategy was to pretend the race was only 13 long miles demarcated by the 2 mile apart aide stations. I walked through each one grabbing a gulp of water or Gatorade and an orange slice. I felt a little dizzy around mile 6 (couldn't tell if it was from the altitude or only having had an apple for breakfast [I can't do athletic activities on a full stomach)), but hit my wall around mile 11, where my right arch decided to bail and I limp-jogged along in a club-footed manner for a bit, cursing my abject stupidity for not training so that my muscles would be more acclimated to the tremendous endurance marathons require. I talked myself into continuing after passing the halfway mark, thinking if I could just make it to 16 miles, 10 more wouldn't seem so bad. I focused on not letting the people around me get too far out of range, forcing myself to jog until I caught up with or passed them if they did. At 17 miles, my right leg started randomly spasming, but I jogged on, determined to at least finish. I was really starting to regret running at this point and it didn't help that this 70 year old man in front of me was wearing a shirt that said "Start slow and taper off," which I had to force myself not to read as "just quit now." I made it to mile 20 in just under 4 hours, but then I hit another wall. My asthmatic lungs were doing just fine, despite constantly inhaling the dust of all the runners ahead of me, and the weather was perfect but my legs were not happy campers. Running a mile seemed to take FOREVER and willing myself to jog more instead of walk was a purely mental battle accomplished to varying degrees only by picking arbitrary points to jog to, admiring the beautiful scenery of rock ridges, colorful leaves, mountain springs, foot bridges and railroad tunnels, high-fiving trees close to the trail and passing people clearly over 50. The last 2 miles seemed never ending, my knees starting to ache, but I managed to sprint the .2 to the finish line, legs numb.
Every joint from my lower back down to my toes aches. I am limping around like I was ravished by a herd of elephants and I'm sure I won't be able to move or walk tomorrow. A Thai massage would be soooo nice right now! I was even considering some Bengay or Tiger Balm, but decided RICE and ibuprofen were better than smelling like an old Asian man. (I also kinda like feeling as if run over by an 18-wheeler. It makes me miss rugby!) I know I vowed never again, but I am curious too see how I can do if I allow myself adequate training... such is the price for my half-assedness!